Ripples
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Dating - 2007/04/04 16:12
Following is a blog I've written for this site. I was very kindly requested to post it here, so here it is! 
The day started with a good vibes in the office, an interesting story from a friend and an even more interesting email on myspace from a complete stranger. This stranger is a likely lad who had spotted my picture, liked what he saw and investigated my profile on myspace to see what was what. To his horror he found that I am a wheelchair user and took great pains in his email to me to let me know he had to reflect on this fact quite some time before putting pen to paper (okokok, finger to keyboard.) "I don't know any disabled people, so I don't know how I should treat them or talk to them" was his plaintive plea to me.
I was happy to enlighten him - "do disabled people a great service and don't let them have any contact with you whatsoever".
The question of dating and relationships will always be a big one for a disabled person (not unlike the non-disabled counterparts, lets face it). To be politically incorrect; disability is not attractive, at least not to those who don't particularly want to be the knight in shinning armour rescuing the damsel in de-chair. I don't suppose my scars are the latest in fashion accessories or my chair lends a certain panache to my deportment. I may think I'm attractive in other respects, but my disability is certainly something that isn't, nor would I want it to be.
There is a phenomenon I've noticed that I feel is worth commenting on at this point. It's very easy for a disabled person to feel that the non-disabled are just a bunch of shallow gits, judging only on looks and not getting to know the person within. Hmmm, I'm not sure how shallow it is, I judge on looks too and I'm not sure I want to date/marry/sleep with someone I'm not attracted to physically. On the other hand, I can think of plenty of people who would normally be considered ugly, happily dating and having serious relationships. So maybe its a case of not every disabled person has an attractive 'person within' (yes, yes, just the same as the non-disabled population). I can think of one male in particular who has CP. No, he's not physically attractive at all, but that never stopped Mick Jagger did it? No, this person has nothing going for him, he doesn't even have a decent sense of humour. He hasn't a poetic bone in his body, nor a philosophical one, he doesn't do anything more interesting than bang on abut how badly the disabled are treated. He's dull, dreary and depressing to be around, never mind the fact that he insists that he doesn't get a date because of his CP, which in itself is extremely off-putting. "No!" I want to scream at him whilst banging my head against the nearest wall "You don't get a date because you're self-obsessed, bitter and boring!"
So, that's one side of the disabled dating coin. The other, of course, is demonstrated by the lad first mentioned here and the thousands (please not millions) of people like him. "How do you treat a disabled person?" Well, it's no good telling them 'Just like anyone else', because that means very little. It's far too vague and if one was specific - you wouldn't want them to be treating a disabled person like their mother who still does their laundry, would you? Or like the shop assistant that they hate because they didn't carry their favourite brand of plasters? No, I really feel the best answer is the one I offered the dear chap who mentioned he didn't know WHAT to do Don't do anything.
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. I also know a guy who is disabled who thinks all women are shallow and only after money etc... He does not realise that women want to be wanted for who they are and not because he needs a girlfriend
. When i point this out to him he gets very up set with me but someone had to tell him. i'm always the bad guy lol.
