It,s the way you tell em

two nuns where walking in the cathederal grounds
when a vampire suddenly appeared in front of them
quick, said the first nun show him your cross
the second nun shouted get out of the bloody way

Ten things that men know about women....

1...They have a virgina..

2...

3...

4...

5...

6...

7...

8...

9...

10...Oh yes....and breasts

xxxxxx :whistle:

I was in Waitrose the other day and a woman at the check-out fell over and died.....I felt realy bad for her...she had just bought ...A bag for life xxxxx :whistle:

I see the young 13yr. old father has joined the group Father's for Justice.He does'nt know much about the politics of the group,but he already has the spiderman outfit.:evil:

Teacher in class draws a picture of a penis on the blackboard and asks...Does anyone know what that is....
Jimmy jumped up and said...my dad has two of them..One small one for everyday use...and one bigger one for cleaning the babysitters teeth xxxx :whistle:

Three students doing a psychiatry lesson ....
The first was asked .Whats the opposite of Joy ????..He replied ..Sorrow...
Next was asked the opposite of depression.?? ...He replied Happiness...
Third was asked the oposite of Woe???? ....He replied ...Giddy-up xxxx :whistle:

What have...The Metropolitan Police.....Chelsea Football Club....and a Lady with an itchy shaved pubic area .....Got in Common......???????

They All regret Going for a Brazilian xxxxx :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I said to my boss 'I hope you will consider me for a rise, There are several companys after me'
'Really' he asked 'can you tell me who they are'
'the electicity company, the gas company. the telphone company for a start I said

ducky wrote:

I said to my boss 'I hope you will consider me for a rise, There are several companys after me'
'Really' he asked 'can you tell me who they are'
'the electicity company, the gas company. the telphone company for a start I said

Like this Ducky:lol: :lol:

Tommy Cooper style....
1..So I phoned the swimming baths and asked if they were local...Depends where you live..came the reply

2...Phoned the local building suppliers and said I wanted a Skip outside my house...They said..Go on then ...

3... Most dentist chairs go up and down but this one went back and forth...Get out of the Filing Cabinet said the dentist..

4.. I got a compliment on my driving today.Got back to car after shopping and there was a message on the screen...Parking Fine it said ...

5..Two thugs got arrested..One was drinking battery acid the othe gunpowder...The Police Charged one and Let the other Off...

6...Couple of native Canabals were eating a comedian...One said to the other..Does this taste funny to you ?? xxxx

7..Dentist asked me to say..Ahhhhhh ...I said Why??? He said my dog died this morning

8..A guy was walking down the street and his hood was bouncing up and down...People were throwing money into it....I asked..Is that your way of making cash ??? ..He said...Its my LIVELY HOOD xxxx:)

Be proud to be British....
We know via DVLA where every untaxed car is located..
We have no idea where all the illegal immigrants are located..or the terrorists......
Simple....Put DVLA in charge of Immigration and Terrorist activities xxxx

That's the answer Tony, send good old Gordon an email:lol: :whistle: