Slow Developmental Delay, Cognitive speech and hearing impairment- could say words but not full sentences at a young age but i also struggle with severe social anxiety and depression.

My name is Ashley. I am 29 years old and I live in Georgia. I have a developmental delay and I struggle with severe social anxiety. I live in a home where I experience emotional and financial abuse, which makes it very hard for me to feel safe or live independently.
I have been through homelessness, shelters, and unsafe situations. Because of my disabilities, I cannot leave my home or navigate life on my own safely. I need someone patient to support me in daily tasks like making phone calls, booking appointments, filling out paperwork, traveling to new places, and finding housing. I want supportive independence, where I learn to manage my own life but have help when I need it.
I have experienced loving communities before, like when I lived in Fresno, California. I had friends, a church, and support for transportation and daily tasks. That made me feel connected, safe, and happy. I want to find that sense of safety and community again.
I also want to be clear that I am responsible with my money. I pay for my phone, food, clothing, and hygiene products. I contribute to gas money when needed. I save carefully for my own needs and happiness.

What I am looking for:

I am looking for someone who understands disabilities and social anxiety and can provide real, hands-on support. This could be a caseworker, a disability advocate, or a supportive person who can help me navigate life safely while teaching me to manage responsibilities. I want to build a life that is safe, stable, and includes joy, connection, and independence.
I am not asking for judgment or advice that tells me to just figure it out. I am asking for understanding, patience, and guidance. I want someone to walk alongside me as I learn to live independently and safely.
I am looking for friends only. I am not looking for romantic relationships. My focus is entirely on my mental health, my safety, and building a stable life. I want to surround myself with people who value me as a person and respect my boundaries while I learn to navigate my independence.


I will be grateful if you took the time to read my story.


My Story:

My name is Ashley and I am 29 years old from Georgia. I am sharing my story because I need real help and I want people to truly understand my situation before responding. I live in an abusive home, I struggle with severe social anxiety and a developmental delay, and I do not have the support I need to safely leave or navigate life on my own. I am not looking for judgment, a list of phone numbers to call by myself, or advice that tells me to just figure it out. I am looking for someone who genuinely understands what it means to live with a disability and who can walk alongside me through the process of building something safe and stable. I have been through homelessness, shelters, and unsafe situations and I refuse to go through that again without the right support firmly in place first. Please read my full story with an open heart before responding.
What i am looking for
I am looking for someone who understands what it is like to live with a disability and can provide real, hands-on support. I need help with daily tasks that are hard for me to do alone, like making phone calls, filling out paperwork, booking appointments, finding housing, and traveling to new places safely. I want supportive independence, where I can learn to manage my own life but have guidance and assistance when I need it. This could be a caseworker, a disability advocate, or a supportive person who is patient, respects my boundaries, and helps me stay safe, build stability, and live a life that includes both responsibilities and joy.
Why I Cannot Leave and When Expected to Leave on My Own:
I cannot leave on my own because I do not have the support I need to safely navigate life outside my current home. I struggle with severe social anxiety, a developmental delay, and tasks that most people handle independently, such as making phone calls, booking appointments, traveling alone, and managing paperwork. Without someone physically beside me to guide me, I am at risk of unsafe situations, homelessness, and not being able to access the resources I need. Leaving without support is not just difficult; it is dangerous.
I am expected to leave on my own, but that expectation does not take into account my disabilities or the challenges I face. I need hands-on support to help me plan a safe move, set up housing, access benefits, and learn how to manage responsibilities independently. Being told to leave without help is unrealistic and puts me at serious risk. My goal is to build a safe and stable life, but I cannot do that without the right support in place first.
What I Struggle With:
I struggle with many everyday tasks and situations that most people are able to handle on their own.
-Talking to People – I find it very difficult to reach out to people first, whether in person, by text, or by phone. This is not just anxiety; it comes from past experiences where I was ignored, judged, or made to feel unimportant when I tried to connect with someone out of genuine care. I often see others forming friendships, joining groups, or getting included in activities while I am left out. I express myself differently through writing, posts, quotes, or letters, which is how I show I care and want to connect. Just because I don’t reach out first does not mean I am not interested or do not care.
-Asking for Help – It is very hard for me to ask for support when I need it most. I often forget what to say, freeze up, or avoid explaining my situation verbally. This makes it difficult to get the help I genuinely need.
-Booking Transportation and Appointments – Planning trips, scheduling rides, or arranging appointments is challenging without guidance.
-Calling Places on My Own – I get very nervous when making phone calls and sometimes hang up, avoid calling, or cannot follow through without someone beside me to guide me.
-Going to Places Alone – I struggle to go anywhere unfamiliar by myself, including grocery stores, restaurants, malls, parks, or traveling to new locations. I have difficulty understanding bus routes, directions, or where to go, which makes traveling alone overwhelming.
-Navigating Social Situations – I find social interactions, especially with people I do not know, very stressful and often confusing.
-Setting Things Up in a New State – Tasks like filling out paperwork, researching resources such as supportive housing, finding a caseworker or disability advocate, transferring services, or becoming my own payee are very difficult for me. Anything that requires phone calls or understanding detailed instructions is overwhelming and hard to process.
-Daily Responsibilities – Cooking, doing laundry, and managing other daily tasks can be very challenging without support.
It is not simple for me to just call, email, or figure things out on my own. When I have been left to manage on my own in the past, it has led to homelessness, shelter stays, and unsafe situations. My difficulties are not only anxiety-related; I have a slow developmental delay, and my brain struggles to understand or process even clear instructions about taking care of myself, making decisions, and managing responsibilities.
What I Miss About Living in Fresno And What I Had There But Still Struggled With
Even in Fresno:
I miss having a community where I felt connected and supported. I had friends, a church, and people I could turn to for social connection. I also had help with transportation, like learning bus routes, which allowed me some independence. Those connections made life feel meaningful and joyful.
I struggled with the practical parts of living independently. I did not have someone physically beside me to help navigate day-to-day tasks, like managing appointments, making calls, filling out paperwork, or finding resources. Without that kind of support, I often felt overwhelmed and unsure, even though I had people to connect with socially.
What I Did Not Deal With in Fresno That I Deal With in Georgia
In Georgia, I face abuse at home, extreme social anxiety, and the challenge of trying to navigate life completely on my own. I do not have the same community or safe support network I had in Fresno. Everyday tasks and decisions feel much harder here, and the absence of guidance makes me more vulnerable and unsafe.
Moving Back to Fresno
I want to move back to Fresno not because I am trying to hurt anyone or because I do not care about my family. I want to move back to get away from the abuse I experience every day, take care of my mental health, and have the life I had before. Fresno represents a time when I felt the happiest because I had friends, community, and support with practical things like transportation. If I had the right support to navigate the responsibilities of living independently, I believe I could thrive there again. I am seeking safety, stability, and the ability to live a life that feels meaningful and manageable.
My Stepdad
My stepdad’s behavior creates a constant environment of fear, control, and emotional abuse. The following are the main ways he treats me and how it affects my life:
Calls Me Names:
He calls me hurtful names such as:
-Fat
-Dumb
-Punk
-Thug and Other names
Hearing these names makes me feel worthless, ashamed, and constantly on edge. It impacts my self-esteem and makes it harder for me to feel safe or comfortable in my own home.
Accuses Me of Things I Don’t Do:
He regularly accuses me of actions I have never done, such as:
-Tearing things up
-Making too much noise
-Using the bathroom too much
-Surrounding myself with “bad people” like thieves, drug users, or “thugs” (he assumes who I hang out with, which is not true).
-Setting things on fire
-Practicing witchcraft or doing bad things (he labels my hobbies, interests, or ways of coping as “witchcraft” or harmful).
-Plugging in too many devices, like my phone and laptop, which I use for necessities and comfort.
These accusations make me feel constantly judged, misunderstood, and blamed for things I am not doing. I feel anxious and isolated because I cannot trust that I am safe from false claims in my own home.
Calls Places I Go for Support “Crazy” or “Psycho”:
-He dismisses the support I need by labeling safe spaces as “crazy” or “psycho,” including shelters or programs I have attended.
This makes me feel invalidated, unheard, and judged for needing help.
He does not trust anyone I spend time with and does not allow friends to come over.
This behavior isolates me and prevents me from getting support that is essential for my independence and mental health.
Controls Who Can Pull in the Driveway and Knock on the Door:
-He controls who comes in and out of the driveway, even for harmless reasons:
For example, one time the church van dropped me off after church. They had already left, but he came out with a stick and told me to wait outside first to see if anyone else pulled into the driveway.
Because of this, I have to tell people who pick me up for church on Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesday nights to pull on the side of the road in front of the house, and I meet them outside.
I do this to keep the peace and avoid conflict. Everything seems to turn into a problem, and this control has made me isolate myself and feel trapped in my own home.
Invades My Privacy:
He enters my space without permission and invades my privacy when I am:
-Listening to music
-Eating
-Sleeping
-Watching TV
-Playing games on my phone
-Writing or doing things to clear my head
This behavior makes me feel unsafe, anxious, and constantly monitored. I am unable to have personal space or feel comfortable in my own home.
6. Wakes Up in the Morning to Unplug Things:
He regularly unplugs items that are mine or belong to my mom, including:
-My phone
-The Wi-Fi
-The heater
-The mini fridge
Even though it is his house and he pays for electricity, unplugging things that are not his interferes with my ability to function, use technology for necessities, and maintain comfort and safety.
How my mom messages make me feel and what it is:
Receiving these messages from my mom leaves me feeling deeply hurt, confused, ashamed, and painfully alone on what was supposed to be one of the most meaningful days of the year for me, my birthday, and what makes it even more difficult to process is knowing that every single one of these messages was sent while she was drinking, which means that the version of my mom who was communicating with me in those moments was not sober, clear, or emotionally present, and there is almost never a time when she is any of those things because she is always working, tired, or drinking and she refuses to get help, and when I try to have a calm and honest conversation with her she shuts it down with responses like she cannot help it, she does not care, or she does not want to hear it, which means I have never been able to have a safe and understanding conversation with her about the things that matter most to me, and what I experienced through these messages was not a mother expressing genuine concern for her daughter in a loving and constructive way, it was a pattern of accusations, interrogation, financial threats, emotional guilt, and punishment all delivered on my birthday, and what I am describing here is not simply a difficult moment between a mother and daughter, it has a name, it is called emotional abuse and financial abuse, and it includes using money as a punishment, making baseless accusations, demanding answers to invasive questions, withholding celebration and basic care as a consequence for not complying, and using the fear of death, abandonment, and an uncertain future to pressure me into relationships and behaviors that do not feel safe for me, and all of that happening on my birthday, the one day that was supposed to be about me feeling loved and celebrated, made everything feel even more painful and impossible to ignore.
My Mom Said:
How are you going to go shopping when you spent all your savings? I am only giving you three hundred dollars and money to pay for your phone bill until you tell me what happened to your money. Who did you give your money to? Some boy? What are you hiding? Did you order something online? That money is for rent, groceries, and hygiene, not to give away. You are going to figure out about life now. You have to pay your own way and not mooch off me. I have worked so hard. You are going to pay your own way. So you just gave your savings away? That is awful. That is reason enough not to give you anything extra anymore. I am not cooking tonight. You put me in a bad mood. You can eat whatever. Your sister left a message on your phone. You should unblock your sister. You still should talk to your sister. There is no reason to treat your sister badly. When I die who is going to help or love you? Nobody but your sister. Nobody is going to help or love you but your sister. Where are you going to live when I am gone? I want you and your sister to stay close because she is all you have left. It is not right to treat her that way. She has been there for you. I do not feel like celebrating tonight.
My Thoughts:
I want to start by being clear about something important. My mom sent all of these messages while she was drinking. There is almost never a time I can truly talk to her because she is always working, tired, or drinking and she refuses to get help. When I try to talk to her she shuts things down with responses like she cannot help it, she does not care, or she does not want to hear it. I cannot think of a time when she is sober and emotionally present enough for me to have a safe and honest conversation with her. That reality makes everything in these messages even harder to receive.
I never said that I spent all my savings. I receive four hundred dollars each month from my SSI disability check and I use that money to buy necessities like clothes, food, hygiene products, and to pay for my phone bill. If I happen to save a little money I might use it to treat myself to something small. Most months there is barely anything left over and I am always careful to prioritize my needs first. Saving money is not something I should have to explain or defend. It is something I should be proud of.
Being told that I would only receive three hundred dollars and phone bill money until I explained what happened to my savings felt like a punishment for something I did not do. I use my money responsibly and I have a right to manage it without being interrogated. A payee is supposed to act in my best interest and that includes giving me access to personal spending money for things that support my mental health and happiness, not just basic survival needs. Threatening to withhold money unless I give certain answers is financial control regardless of how it is framed.
When she asked who I gave my money to, whether it was a boy, what I was hiding, and whether I ordered something online, I felt accused and completely distrusted. I did not give my money to anyone. I did not give it to a boy. I am not hiding anything. And if I did order something online that is my choice. I am allowed to spend my own money not only on necessities but also on small things that support my mental health and bring me joy. I do not spend recklessly and I am not careless with what I have.
She said the money is for rent, groceries, and hygiene and not to give away. That is exactly how I use it. I am responsible with my finances and I make sure my basic needs are covered. I am not giving my money away or wasting it.
When she told me I need to figure out life and stop mooching off her I felt deeply hurt because I am already doing my part. I manage the money I am given each month and I use it to take care of myself. The rest of my check goes toward groceries that she handles. That is not mooching. That is contributing and being responsible. I understand that she has worked hard and I respect that. But saying that I am not paying my own way when I am actively managing my own needs is not accurate and it is not fair.
When she said that me supposedly giving my savings away was awful and used it as a reason to stop giving me anything extra I felt punished for something I did not do. Withholding money from me as a response to not getting the answers she wanted is financial control and it is not something a payee is supposed to do.
When she said she was not cooking because I put her in a bad mood I felt blamed for her emotions on my own birthday. I am not responsible for her moods or her choices. Being punished on my birthday by having dinner and any celebration taken away was one of the most painful things I have experienced. My birthday should not have been used as a moment to punish me.
Regarding my sister, I blocked her because of the way she treated me and the things she said to me. Blocking someone to protect my mental health and my sense of safety is not treating them badly. It is setting a boundary that I needed for my own wellbeing. I have a right to decide who I communicate with and when and that decision should be respected and not used against me.
When my mom said that when she dies nobody will help or love me except my sister it felt like emotional manipulation. It made me feel anxious, afraid, and guilty for having boundaries. Love should not come with fear, conditions, or control attached to it. I deserve to have my boundaries respected including my ability to make decisions about who I communicate with and how I manage my own money. Using the fear of being alone and unloved after her death to pressure me into relationships and behaviors that do not feel safe for me is not love. It is control even when it comes from a place of genuine fear.
I want love and family relationships to be based on trust, respect, and understanding, not fear or control. I want to feel safe and supported, not blamed or punished for living responsibly and protecting my mental health. I deserve to feel loved without conditions and to be seen as someone who is doing her best with what she has.
How my sisters messages make me feel and what it is:
Reading through everything that was said to me in these messages by my sister leaves me feeling completely overwhelmed, exhausted, dismissed, and deeply hurt in a way that is very hard to put into words, because what I experienced in this conversation was not a simple disagreement between two sisters or a difference of opinion about my choices, but rather a pattern of emotional manipulation, financial control, fear tactics, guilt tripping, and psychological pressure that was used repeatedly and relentlessly throughout every single message to make me feel like I have no right to want safety, no right to want joy, no right to want independence, no right to have dreams, and no right to have a life outside of the situation I am currently trapped in, and what makes it even more painful is that this came from my own sister, someone who is supposed to love me and be in my corner, yet instead of receiving support, compassion, or genuine concern, I received message after message designed to make me doubt myself, fear the world outside, feel guilty about my mom, feel ashamed of my past, feel stupid for the things I love, and feel like wanting anything more than what I already have is selfish and wrong, and what I am describing here is not just a hard conversation or tough love, it is emotional abuse and it has a name, it is called coercive control, which is a pattern of behavior that uses fear, guilt, isolation, financial control, manipulation, and the undermining of a person's confidence and perception of reality in order to keep them dependent, compliant, and unable to make their own choices freely, and every single message I received fits that pattern perfectly, from being told to just give up, to being reminded repeatedly that my mom is going to die, to being told that everything I see and love is fake and that I am being lied to, to being threatened that my disability check will be stopped if I move, to being called selfish for wanting a life, to being told my money is being withheld because I did not comply with what was being asked of me, all of these things together form a picture that is not about protecting me or caring about my future but about keeping me exactly where I am, afraid, dependent, and without the hope or the resources to ever leave.
My Sister said:
The law states that as long as your payee is providing you with basic necessities, they don't have to give you your money.
You have a payee for a reason and if you were supposed to keep all your money then they would have made you your own payee.
You have money saved and it's enough to move to a new state, so why are you mad?
You keep saying you want to get away from your stepdad but you will not help Mom make that happen and it takes money to move to a new place. You live with Mom but will not give her gas money to get to work but when you want to go somewhere she takes you in her car that you do not help her with at all. You cannot live anywhere for free Ashley and that is just how life is. When you stayed with others you had to pay. What is the problem? That is where you are going? How are you going to live somewhere when you do not want to pay rent? If you do not know how to do anything by yourself why would you move to another state where you have no family? Just give up and stay in Augusta. Someone needs to be with Mom. Do you not know that people are getting killed because they moved to a new state where they do not know anybody? I have told you plenty of times that Mom is willing to leave him but you will not help her get caught up on things she needs to pay off in order to do that. You and her could move away together. You have to have enough income to get a place of your own and they check your income and your income alone is not enough. Mom does not make enough on her own so they would have to put your income and her income together. But no you are trying to leave her and go be with a boy. Mom is not going to be alive much longer but you are trying to leave. You are stressing her out even more. Do you not care about Mom? How do you think she feels that your other sister is out on her own and I am out on my own. Your brother is always in jail and now you are trying to leave her too. Mom feels all alone and you wonder why she drinks. The president is changing a lot of laws right now and it is costing more to find a place to stay. You have to have at least six thousand dollars to even move anywhere so it is cheaper just to live in Augusta. You do not have to leave Augusta to get away from your stepdad. You can find a place to rent in Augusta and Mom will go with you. Well I have to go to sleep because I work tomorrow. But leaving the state is not going to help you at all because people will get you by yourself and try to take advantage of you. Just like others did. They put you out with nowhere to go. You had to stay in the shelter. Why would you want to put yourself through that again? We had to come get you from Arkansas. We had to come get you from California. Do you not see a pattern? Why are you going to keep making the same mistake over and over again? Mom cannot keep saving you. You are not going to listen so do whatever you want to do but I do not see how you are going to be leaving anytime soon if Mom is not giving you all your money anymore. It is not fair that she has to struggle and you get to keep all your money. It is not fair and it is not right. If you keep switching states they are going to stop your disability. So if you move to another state how are you going to get by with no money? We have a new president and they are making changes so keep moving around and they are going to stop your check. Goodnight Ashley. It is not safe to travel alone and people are crazy in Atlanta. People rape, rob, and kill females. People in Atlanta go missing. They just found a body at the top of Stone Mountain this morning. I live here and you do not know Atlanta like I do. Why do you think Mom had me meet you at the greyhound instead of you trying to come to my house by yourself? Concerts and events are for people that make money every day. You only get a check once a month but you are trying to live a lifestyle that you cannot afford to live. You sit back and watch Mom struggle and here you go trying to blow all your money on an event when you do not even want to help pay bills. When Mom is dead and gone you are going to wish you treated her better and who is going to get your check then because if it is me I will not be giving you money to go on personal things when we have a household to take care of. Bills come before all that fun stuff. You do not help pay any bills. You do not think Mom talks to me about that? You sit on your check and you keep your money to yourself. You do not help with anything in the household. That is just like my son who wants to go to birthday bash and like I told him he has priorities. He has to buy school clothes and he has to pay his school dues so he is not going to birthday bash because the money he would spend on birthday bash could go toward things he really needs. What does a person look like going to an event and spending all that money just to stand around and look at people when you can do that by yourself at home. What would I look like going to an event knowing that I need food in the house and the light bill paid? I honestly feel sorry for you because when Mom is dead and gone you are not going to know how to do anything for yourself or by yourself. I live here and I know what is going on and you do not. You are getting lied to. Everything is a scam. Something bad will happen if you come to Atlanta alone. I am not talking to you anymore because you are selfish. Bye. So how are you going to live when Mom dies? You do not see anything. People lie and make up stuff on Facebook for likes and views. You are not worried about your future. You are worried about a stupid celebrity that does not care about anybody. Stop using stuff as an excuse. I have anger too but I still take care of the household before I go out and do things for fun. The groups have fake people posting. Anybody can get in those groups and post and even I can do it. The people you see meeting them are not on disability. They have great jobs and a lot of money. Ok goodnight I am going to bed. I do not care about any celebrity because they do not care about me. Goodnight. As long as you live in someone's house you have to help with stuff bottom line. Why do you try to make me look like a bad person? It is true that Mom is not really supposed to give you your money. She does that out of the kindness of her heart. If you want your own check why have you not made arrangements with Social Security to get your own check? You are blessed Ashley to have a mom like her. She does not want you going far away and getting hurt and that does not mean you are locked away. You all just need to get away from Stan and you all will both be happy. She is not spending your money she is holding it since she cannot get the help she needs from you when she asks.
My Thoughts:
The law does say that a payee is not required to give over all of a person's money as long as basic necessities are being covered. However having a payee also means that the payee is supposed to act in the best interest of the person they represent, which includes more than just providing food, clothing, hygiene products, and a phone bill. Acting in someone's best interest also means ensuring they have access to personal spending money for things that support their mental health, happiness, and overall quality of life. My money is not only for necessities. I am allowed to have funds for personal items and activities that make me happy and support my wellbeing. The process of becoming my own payee is something I want to work toward but making calls, understanding instructions, filling out forms, and navigating Social Security completely alone is extremely difficult for me because of my anxiety and how my brain processes information. I need someone physically beside me to help guide me through these steps and that support has never been offered. Additionally the idea that having some money saved is enough to move to a new state is not accurate. Leaving and establishing life in a new state requires more than money. It requires planning, transportation, access to resources, a safety plan, and ongoing support. I need help to make calls, send emails, fill out paperwork, and research options while someone is present to support me. I cannot simply pack a bag and leave. I need help planning for housing, applying for Medicaid, updating my ID, finding transportation, and figuring out what resources I qualify for in a new state because I do not know if I qualify for those resources without already having an address there. This is not about avoiding independence. It is about needing supportive independence where I am not expected to handle everything alone or live alone. I feel safer and more capable when someone is beside me helping me navigate the process and I need someone to guide me through every step to make sure I can get the help I genuinely need.
I do want to get away from my stepdad and I understand that moving takes money and planning. I also know that I cannot keep waiting indefinitely for a plan that has been talked about for years without anything changing. I love my mom and I want her to be safe but I also have to take my own safety seriously.
As for contributing I do help. When my mom asks me for gas money I give it to her and when she takes me somewhere I do contribute. On top of that I pay my own phone bill, buy my own food, my own clothing, and my own hygiene products. I take care of my own needs with my own money which means I am not putting that financial burden on anyone else in the household. That is contributing. If there were specific expectations about what I should be giving toward household costs on top of that, those expectations deserved to be communicated directly and calmly in a real conversation, not brought up to make me look like I am not helping when I actually am.
It is true that you cannot live somewhere for free and I have never said otherwise. When I stayed with other people I contributed what I could. Those situations fell apart not because I refused to help but because I did not have the right support around me to stay stable. I have always tried to do my part. The problem is not that I am unwilling. The problem is that I need the right support in place to make a safe and stable move happen. Every time I bring up moving to another state or doing something for myself I am met with fear, guilt, and reasons why I should stay exactly where I am. That pattern is something I have noticed and it is painful every single time.
I do want to pay rent. I want to have a stable place to live and take care of my responsibilities. The issue has never been that I am unwilling. The issue is that I need the right support in place to make that happen safely. There is a difference between not wanting to do something and not being able to do it alone without help.
As for not knowing how to do things by myself, that is actually the whole point. I know that I struggle with navigating life independently. That is exactly why I need a caseworker, a disability advocate, or a supportive living situation where someone is beside me helping me figure things out. Struggling to do things alone is not a reason to give up on having a life. It is a reason to find the right support.
I lived in Fresno, California from 2021 to 2024 and those were genuinely some of the happiest years of my life. I had friends, a church community, connection, and transportation I could use on my own after someone helped me learn the routes. I was happy there in a way I have not been before or since. But even with all of that goodness around me I did not have one person physically beside me who was willing to help me navigate the practical side of life. I did not have someone to help me make calls, fill out paperwork, set up housing, or work through the things my brain struggles to process alone. That is what was missing. That is what caused things to fall apart. It was not the people, it was not the city, and it was not me being irresponsible. It was the absence of hands on support. What I need is supportive independence. Someone in my corner who walks alongside me so that I am not doing things alone or living alone. That is what would make the difference between things working out and things falling apart the way they did before.
Being told to just give up and stay means accepting abuse as something permanent in my life. I am not willing to accept that. I deserve to be safe and I deserve to have a life that feels worth living the way it did when I was in Fresno.
As for someone needing to be with Mom, I love my mom deeply. But I am her daughter and not her caretaker. I cannot sacrifice my own safety and my own future to stay in a home where I am being hurt every single day.
Danger exists everywhere including inside the home I am living in right now. Using extreme examples of violence and people being killed to convince me to never leave is not protection. It is fear being used to keep me from ever trying to have a better life.
I have heard that Mom is willing to leave many times over many years and nothing has changed. Every time there is a reason it does not happen and then the same promise comes back around again. I love my mom and I want her to be safe but I have reached a point where I cannot keep putting my own safety and my own life on hold waiting for something that has been promised and delayed more times than I can count. That is not me giving up on my mom. That is me recognizing that I cannot keep surviving an abusive situation indefinitely while waiting for a plan that may never happen.
The accusation about leaving to be with a boy is not true and it is painful to hear. My reasons for wanting to leave have nothing to do with a boy. They have everything to do with my safety, my mental health, my healing, and my right to experience a life that is not defined by daily abuse and control. I do not talk to any boy and reducing everything I am going through to something that dismissive erases the reality of what I am actually living with every single day.
As for income requirements it is true that my income alone may not meet the threshold for some rental properties. That is a real challenge and I acknowledge it honestly. But it is one challenge among many that can be worked through with the right resources, support, and planning. There are supportive housing programs, disability housing assistance, and shared living arrangements that exist specifically for people in situations like mine. One financial barrier does not mean every door is permanently closed.
I care about my mom deeply and that is not something anyone needs to question. But using her health and the possibility of her death as a repeated reason to stop me from wanting safety and independence is emotional manipulation even when the fear behind it is real. I can love my mom completely and still need to be somewhere that is not hurting me every single day. Both of those things are true at the same time.
Both of my sisters are out on their own and that is accepted without anyone calling it abandonment or selfishness. My brother is in jail and that is also something that is outside of my control. But when I want to leave and build a better life for myself it suddenly becomes a betrayal and a reason my mom feels alone. That double standard is painful and it is something I notice every time it comes up. I am not responsible for the choices my siblings have made or the situations they are in. I am only responsible for my own life and my own safety.
And placing the responsibility for my mom's drinking on her children wanting to live their own lives is not accurate or fair. My mom's drinking is not caused by me wanting a better life. It existed long before this conversation and it is something only she has the power to address by getting the help she needs. I cannot fix that by staying and I cannot carry guilt for something I did not cause and cannot control. It is true that housing costs are real and that moving requires financial planning. But the amount needed varies depending on the type of housing, the location, and the resources available. Many disability related housing programs and supportive living arrangements do not require someone to arrive with thousands of dollars saved entirely on their own. Resources exist specifically to help people with disabilities find safe and affordable housing. Using cost as the only reason to stay somewhere harmful does not give a complete or honest picture of what is actually possible with the right support in place.
As for staying in Augusta and renting there with Mom, if that were a genuine plan with real and practical support behind it that would be worth considering honestly. But it cannot be offered as a real solution in the same conversation where I am being told my income is not enough, moving costs too much, and everything is too dangerous for me. Those things cannot all be true at once while always pointing to the same conclusion which is that I should stay exactly where I am and want nothing more.
As for my past experiences, those were real and painful and I carry them with me. But they happened because I was doing everything completely alone without the right support in place. I did not have a caseworker, a disability advocate, or anyone beside me helping me when things became overwhelming. That is the real pattern. Not failure and not carelessness but what consistently happens when I am expected to manage hard things completely alone without the right help. The lesson I take from my past is not to never try again. It is to try again with better support, better resources, and a real plan firmly in place before I go anywhere. My past does not have to be my future.
Deciding that I am not going to listen before the conversation is even finished is a way of shutting down a discussion rather than having one. And using my money being withheld as a reason I will not be able to leave is actually an acknowledgment that financial control is being used to keep me in place. That is important to recognize for what it is.
As for my money not being fair, I use my money for my own needs. I pay my own phone bill, buy my own food, my own clothing, and my own hygiene products. I also contribute when my mom asks me for gas money and when she takes me somewhere. I am not sitting on extra money that I am selfishly keeping from anyone. Taking care of my own basic needs is not selfish. It is what I am supposed to do with my own money and a payee is actually required to make sure I have access to personal spending money for my wellbeing on top of my basic necessities. That is not me being unfair. That is how a payee arrangement is supposed to work.
It is not accurate that moving to a different state automatically stops disability benefits. That is not how it works. There is a process for transferring benefits when someone relocates and it can be done properly with the right guidance and support. Using information that is not fully accurate to frighten someone into staying is not looking out for them. It is using fear to control a decision. The same applies to claims about the new president stopping checks for people who move. That is not an established fact and presenting it as one to keep me afraid of leaving is not honest or fair. I hear the concern about safety and I do take it seriously. Even though I do not live in Atlanta I do pay attention to what happens and I am aware that dangers exist in different places. But using news stories about violence and crime every time I bring up wanting to travel, go to a concert, or experience something is not genuine protection. It is fear being used to control where I am allowed to go and what I am allowed to do with my own life. Danger exists everywhere including inside the home I am living in right now and people also live full and meaningful lives everywhere every single day.
As for Mom having someone meet me at the greyhound, that is actually a perfect example of the kind of support I am asking for. Someone beside me to help me navigate an unfamiliar place. That is not proof that I cannot handle anything. That is proof that with the right support beside me I can go places and do things safely. That is exactly what supportive independence looks like and it is what I need more of, not less.
I want to be clear about something because it is important. I am not blowing all of my money on events, concerts, or meet and greets. I have actually never been to a concert or a meet and greet because going somewhere like that alone is genuinely hard for me. I do not go anywhere alone. I struggle in social situations and navigating new places alone is something I find very difficult. I would not know what to do when I get there, where to go, what happens next, or what to expect. Those are real challenges for me and I would need someone beside me to help me through an experience like that. Wanting to go to something that brings me joy someday is not the same as recklessly spending money and I have never done that.
Joy and experiences are not only for people with full time jobs and daily paychecks. I manage my money carefully for my real needs. I pay my own phone bill, buy my own food, my own clothing, and my own hygiene products and I contribute when my mom needs gas money. Taking care of my own needs is contributing. Wanting to also have something in my life that brings me happiness and connection is not irresponsible and it is not a lifestyle I cannot afford. It is a normal human need and I deserve to have things in my life that make me feel alive and connected to something beyond the situation I am currently living in every single day.
Using the possibility of my mom's death repeatedly throughout a conversation to control what I do right now is not preparing me for my future. It is using grief and fear to keep me from making my own choices in the present. I do care about my mom deeply and that is not something anyone needs to question. But being reminded over and over again that she will not be alive much longer is not a loving way to have a conversation. It is emotional manipulation even when the fear behind it is real.
As for who will get my check when my mom is gone, that is something I want to have control over myself. Becoming my own payee is something I genuinely want to work toward and I have explained why I have not been able to do that yet on my own. But the idea that I should accept that whoever manages my money will not give me anything for personal needs is not how a payee arrangement is supposed to work. A payee is legally required to act in my best interest and that includes personal spending money for things that support my mental health and quality of life. That does not change based on who the payee is.
As for not helping with bills, I take care of my own expenses with my own money every single month. I pay my own phone bill, buy my own food, my own clothing, and my own hygiene products. I also contribute when my mom asks me for gas money. Taking care of my own needs means I am not putting that financial burden on anyone else in the household. That is contributing. If there were specific household expectations beyond that they deserved to be communicated directly and calmly in a real conversation, not brought up to make me look like I am doing nothing when I am actually taking care of myself.
I understand that everyone has priorities and responsibilities and I respect that. My situation is different from someone who is managing school expenses and preparing for the school year. I am a 29 year old woman living with a disability and what I need and what I spend my money on reflects my own situation and my own responsibilities. I understand what priorities mean and I do take care of mine. Wanting to also have something in my life that brings me joy is not irresponsible. It is a normal and healthy part of life and I deserve to have that too.
Going to an event is not standing around doing nothing. People take pictures, get autographs, connect with the music, and become part of a community of people who share the same interests and passion. That kind of connection and shared experience is something that genuinely matters to people and it matters to me too. It is not pointless and it is not something that can be replicated by sitting at home alone. What someone else would do in their own financial situation is not the same as what I am doing in mine. I am not choosing events over food or utilities. I manage my own money for my own needs and I have explained that already.
As for not knowing how to do anything for myself when my mom is gone, I hear the concern underneath that but saying it the way it was said is not helpful or kind. I already know that navigating life independently is genuinely hard for me. I do not need to be reminded of it in a way that feels more like a put down than genuine concern. What I need is support in building the skills and finding the right people to help me navigate things now while there is still time to do that. That is exactly what I have been asking for. A caseworker, a disability advocate, or a supportive living situation where someone is walking alongside me. The answer to that concern is helping me find that support, not telling me I will be lost and helpless when my mom is gone.
As for knowing what is going on because of living in Atlanta, I do not live in Atlanta and I understand that living somewhere gives a person local knowledge. But deciding that everything I see, everything I hope for, and everything I want to experience is automatically a lie or a scam is not based on facts. It is a way of telling me that my own perception of reality cannot be trusted and that I should only believe what I am told by the people who want me to stay exactly where I am. I do pay attention to what happens and I am not naive about the world.
When I bring up seeing fans meet celebrities, singers, and bands online I am told I am being lied to and that it is all a scam. But those experiences are real. People genuinely do meet their favorite artists, take pictures, get autographs, and share those moments with others. That is not fake. That is not a scam. Dismissing everything I see as made up without any specific reason is not protecting me. It is dismissing something that brings me genuine joy and hope and treating me like I am not capable of knowing what is real.
Ending a conversation by calling me selfish and saying goodbye is not a resolution. Wanting safety, wanting to experience things, wanting joy, and wanting a life that is more than just surviving every day is not selfish. Those are things every person deserves including me. The question of how I am going to live when my mom dies is something I think about and something I take seriously. The answer is that I need to build the right support system now while there is still time. That is exactly what I am working toward and exactly what I have been asking for. A caseworker, a disability advocate, or a supportive living situation where someone is walking alongside me. That is my future plan and it is a real one.
Saying that I do not see anything and that I am not worried about my future because I care about a celebrity is not accurate and it hurts deeply to hear. What I love is not stupid. The music, the artists, the community of people who share the same passion, and the experiences that come with that are all real and meaningful parts of life. Being told that what I love does not matter, that it is fake, and that caring about it means I do not care about my future is dismissive and painful. Both things can be true at the same time. I can care deeply about my future and also find joy and connection in the things I love. One does not cancel out the other.
When I bring up fans meeting celebrities, getting pictures, autographs, and connecting with the music and the community around it I am told it is all fake, a scam, and made up for likes and views. That is not true. Those experiences are real. People genuinely meet their favorite artists and share those moments with others every single day. Dismissing all of it as fake without any specific evidence is not protecting me. It is taking something that brings me genuine happiness and hope and telling me it does not exist and that I am foolish for believing in it. That hurts in a way that is hard to put into words because what I love is a part of who I am.
It is also not true that the people who attend events and meet artists are only people with great jobs and a lot of money. People from all different backgrounds and income levels find ways to experience things that matter to them. My disability and my income do not disqualify me from having experiences that bring me joy. I deserve to have things in my life that make me feel connected and alive just as much as anyone else does.
Managing responsibilities and also doing things for fun are not opposites and I understand that responsibilities come first. But I do take care of my own responsibilities. I pay my own phone bill, buy my own food, my own clothing, and my own hygiene products every single month. Wanting to also have something in my life that brings me happiness is not irresponsible and it is not an excuse. It is a completely normal and healthy part of being a human being.
It is true that living in someone's house comes with responsibilities and I do not disagree with that. I take care of my own needs every single month. I pay my own phone bill, buy my own food, my own clothing, and my own hygiene products. I also contribute when my mom asks me for gas money. Taking care of my own needs means I am not putting that financial burden on anyone else in the household and that is a form of contributing. If there were specific household expectations beyond that they deserved to be brought to me directly and calmly in a real conversation so that I could respond to them honestly.
I am not trying to make anyone look like a bad person. I am sharing my own experience honestly. If telling my story truthfully makes someone uncomfortable that is a separate issue from whether my story is true. I have a right to talk about what I go through without being accused of attacking anyone.
As I have already explained a payee is legally required to act in the best interest of the person they represent and that includes making sure that person has access to personal spending money for things that support their mental health, happiness, and overall quality of life. That is not optional and it is not just an act of kindness. It is a legal responsibility. A payee arrangement is not permission to withhold money as a punishment or to use financial access as a tool of control.
As for becoming my own payee that is something I genuinely want to work toward. The reason it has not happened yet is not because I do not care about managing my own money. It is because making that phone call to Social Security, knowing what to say, understanding each step, and following through completely alone is something my anxiety and the way my brain processes things makes genuinely difficult. I get so nervous on phone calls that I sometimes hang up the moment someone answers. I need someone physically beside me to help me through that process and that support has never been offered to me. Being told I should have already done it is a very different thing from actually being helped to do it.
I do love my mom and I am grateful for her presence in my life. But love and financial control are not the same thing even when they exist in the same relationship. Gratitude for my mom does not mean I have to accept having my money withheld as a punishment or used as a way to get compliance from me.
I agree that getting away from my stepdad would make things better and I have said that many times. But this has been talked about for years without anything changing. I cannot keep waiting indefinitely for a plan that has not come together while staying in a situation that is hurting me every single day.
Saying that my money is being held because my mom cannot get the help she needs from me is describing financial control even if that is not the intention. There is a real difference between a payee responsibly managing someone's funds and withholding money as a response to not receiving the cooperation being asked for. One is a legal responsibility and the other is control.
Finally, If you have read any part of my story, I want you to know that I am not sharing this to get attention or to make anyone feel sorry for me. I am sharing it because I am genuinely asking for help and I do not know where else to turn.
I have been told to give up, stay where I am, and accept the life I have. I am not willing to do that. I know I deserve safety. I know I deserve support, and I know that when I have the right people around me, I can live a happy and meaningful life because I have done it before.
If you know of a caseworker, a disability advocate, or a supportive living situation in the Fresno, California area, please reach out to me. If you have experience with disability housing, supportive independence programs, or helping someone move safely to a new state, I would really love to hear from you. Please do not send me a list of numbers to call on my own. I have explained why that is not something I can do alone. What I need is someone who is willing to actually walk alongside me.
I am still here. I am still trying. And I am not giving up. 💜
-Ashley

-Listening to music
- Watching Wrestling
- Shopping
- Food And Coffee Lover Or Any Beverages for the most part but that isn't alcohol.
- Writing
- Playing Games On My Phone
- Photography
- Coloring
- Traveling if I could And Other Things that I would love to experience in my life where I feel safe and comfortable.
I am the type that if I don't know you or see you I wouldn't talk to you first because I am really shy and anxious in social situations and I am very quiet at first.
I communicate better through texting rather than phone calls but even that is hard sometimes because I have no idea of where to begin with the conversation, what questions to ask or how to answer to one's I don't understand.
Phone calls make me freeze up but texting or emailing is hard but I still need help to know what to say.

That's all but if you want to know ask more.

- Rock
- Metal
- Country
- Pop

I am more of a 80s, 90s and 2000s kind of person but I'll listen to any band or singer I like.
I got to admit i listen to wwe songs and I still do until this day.

I have no idea if I can say i watched most of Dave Bautista movies and I really loved them.
I am into some horror movies: Scream, Terrifier, Chucky, and many others but not much.

-Vampire Diaries
-The Originals
- Legacies
- Sons Of Anarchy and other shows
- I Mostly Watch wrestling and I have been binge watching it

I don't really read but I want to read books about psychology, mental health, disabilities and things that could relate to me because I struggle with anxiety not just in general but when it comes to not just social situations but non social situations too.

- Jeff Hardy