Joke of the Day

WHEN GRANDMA GOES TO COURT

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they are not prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

:lol:
very good Ivory Rose

hi rose do you want chat jason x:)

Whats big, long n hard when erect and makes a woman moan like fuck ?



An ironing board.

A bit riskay posting it on here but very funny.

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox informing me that I can have sex at 65.


I'm so happy because I live at 73 so it's not far to walk home afterwards!

I found a DVD the other day called....Bald and Barely Lehgal....Quite aroused I rushed home and put it into the player and settled down to watching a nice bit of filth....Imagine my discust when I discovered it was produced by The Ministry of Transport ...about illegal Car Tyres xxxx

Hey mate really need your advice for serious problem ! I suspected for some time now that the misses has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings, if i answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot.. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight i hid in the shed behind the motorbike when she came home she got out of some ones car she was buttoning her blouse and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the motorbike i noticed it... a hairline crack in the engine mounting bracket.. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it . . . . ?

:laugh: :side: I would Replace it Karl..You never know if a weld will let you down :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Best to not weld as this upsets the molecular integrity of the frame, once the frame is originally welded it is then heat treated as an entirety so a localised repair may weaken the structure, dump the bird

No...Train the bird...take her on the bike xxxx xxxx

Twenty reasons why Chocolate is better than sex:

1.You can GET chocolate.

2.\"If you love me you'll swallow that\" has real meaning with chocolate.

3.Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4.You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5.You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6.You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7.If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

8.Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9.The word \"commitment\" doesn't scare off chocolate.

10.You can have chocolate on top of you workbench/desk during
working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

11.You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

12.You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13.With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

14.Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

15.You can have chocolate at any time of the month..

16.Good chocolate is easy to find.

17.You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

18.You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19.When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.

20.With chocolate size doesn't matter.