What happened next

rough up any 'spiritual' being going. Totally fearless,... and those thighs... Cedric shook himself and ended his message with "Please attend ASAP".
The throng from the hole in the ground seemed to have settled down somewhat. They milled around in a green haze that smelt vaguely of stale cabbage.
Cedric overheard an ethereal exchange coming from the pit... (a) Do you know what's going on? I have no idea what is going on here. (b) No, no idea either. I had a chat with Olaf this morning, he said we were going to be "massing" on the mortal world, making our feelings known... (a) Olaf...you mean the Viking? Bones disturbed by a landslide in 1933? (b) Yeah, that's the fellah... (a) He's a nutter if you ask me, ...
At that moment there was a blinding flash and a figure materialised in the middle of the road. It was Bertha. She looked around, saw Cedric, beamed a toothy smile, strode over to him and buried his face in her ample cleavage. "Pumpkin!" she boomed, "What's ta do my little sausage?" . Cedric extracted himself from her embrace and pointed towards the hole in the ground. "We have a situation...", he said.

'When Don't you?'

said Bertha and rolled her eyes. She turned face-on to the green horde. She took a small, palm sized object from a pocket on her bulging, jean clad thigh and held it out in front of her. She glanced sideways at Cedric. "Knocked this up from a cheap Argos Sat-Nav and some fuse wire", she said quietly, "Turns their eminations into audible speech". Then in a much louder voice she called, "Right, you bunch of half baked bogey men! Let's have some order! Who's ya spokesperson?". Two tinny, but distinct voices came from the device in Bertha's hand. They both said the same thing. "I am." There was a moments silence then the two voices began a conversation..."I am Olaf Thrangbeard, what other speaks to usurpe my authority?" This was countered with, "I Trevor speak! But no usurper I ! A true lord of the unseen realm! What be you? The last dregs of some ancient worm-fodder!" There was a speedy response to this. "You think yourself some kind of a God? Your name is not spoken in the Sagas, no runes tell of your prowess as a warrior!". Trevor came back with, "We had a meeting, I was duely elected. If you're going to ignore the commitee structure, we may as well throw the whole democratic process out the window...!" Olaf 'growled' but before he could utter another word, Bertha's voice boomed, "Ok boys, enough! Obviously someone hasn't read the latest office memo or something..."
At that point Cedric, who had been listening intently, interjected, "Hey! I've just thought of something! Why don't we..."

have a meeting to discuss this and get it sorted Bertha looked totally bemused I don't think you will get much sense out of that lot, there was a blinding flash of light, emerging from the light strode a creature eyes burning like red hot coals he pawed the ground with his cloven hoofs stood beside him was a small elf like

politician who had been sent out with the cloven hooved one as an incorrigible influence on a whole generation of imps.

The small elf-like creature was dressed entirely in black leather which had spiked chains hanging from it.
Bertha regarded the pair and raised her eyebrows . "Hello gents!" she said cheerily, then jerked her thumb over her shoulder adding, "I think the gay bar is that way, opposite the chip shop..."

suddenly there was the sound of several trumpets,enter Will the Wonderful on his trusty steed, in one hand he held the good book in the other

was a very long list of things he had to do that day. Number one was to visit a pharmacy and get a new bottle of 'wonderfulness' elixir. He had run out the day before and already the potion's absence was begining to show. So far he had put his T-shirt on inside out, forgotten his cheese sandwiches and crashed his 'trusty steed' into a lamp post. His steed was a dark blue mobility scooter with a little wire shopping basket stuck on the front. "Sorry to barge in like this!", he said, obviously embarrassed, "I took a wrong turn at the Dog and Duck !" Every being there, human or otherwise just stared at him. "I was looking for Boots,...the chemist...got a prescription...". All coninued to stare at him. Will squirmed. "Well, I can see you're all in the middle of something so I'll leave you in peace...". Just then Will turned his head and noticed the two ill-matched creatures that Bertha had recently addressed. "Hello" said Will, "Good costumes! Did you make them yourselves?". No reply. "Ah, right, well, I'd best be going..". At that moment Will seemed to notice the book in his hand for the first time. It was a good book, Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne, but he had no idea why he had brought it with him. He was in deperate need of that elixir. Will dropped the book into his scooter's shopping basket. "Good luck with...whatever it is you're doing! Bye". With that he turned his steed around and trundled off at full speed - 8mph. In the distance the sound of several trumpets could be heard. It was the local Salvation Army band tuning up for a rousing rendition of 'Rock of Ages'. As the strange figure receded slowly, Melissa was the first to speak. "Do you think he could have helped us in some way?". Bertha shrugged. "Maybe, if wearing your T-shirt inside out is an asset...". Cedric grabbed Bertha's arm, "Look!" he said. The two creatures, Red and Black were advancing towards them...

Ok said Bertha you take the little fella I'll take the big one, reaching into her pocket she pulled out a small flute and started to play a haunting melody from

William de Smythe (Will Smith too mundane he thought for a fine upstanding figure like me)turned around his t shirt, inhaled a great gasp, puffed out his chest and with a swagger strode over to little man.Grasping the book and a brooly in hand he deferentially he produced a swash buckling bow.Then looked at the foe.Took a studied stance and eschewed: "Do you come here often?" So saying he tossed the brolly foe ward.Then dastardly swiped his book over the head, not waitting for an answer. The foe exclaimed "egads" while his chains and teeth ratttled: "Fie that was a bit below the belt. Not very British. I demand the Queensbury rules." A crack of thunder and lightening rent the sky. Thhe gods of the firmament were not pleased. Darkness descended. In the deepening gloom the foe stared att where the book and brolly had fallen.Eyes wide, fear etching his face,Metomorphing ectoplasm was arising! Dastard William de Smythe turned on his heel and strutted away. To no one in particular he uttered, Essex is busy tonight and proceeded to leap onto his steed. Ouch! Fie, fie, fiddlesticks my batteries are low.Meanwhile Cedric's fine face folowed by his body entered the murky glade.He grimaced and smirked, gave Will a cursory nod and proceeded to introduce his companions.Two buxom damsels,Long golden hair, sylph like nymphs simpered coquetishly. Will lifted his head. Steed forgottten. he feastted his eyes on their damsel forms and noted with some consternation a sign adorning their girdled waists and perused-Ye olde Englishe Eye Candy......

Will tried to gather his thoughts. He didn't even remember turning his steed around to return to the scene. He wasn't sure if what he had just experienced was real or if he had suffered a 'brainstorm'.
Some kind of delusional 'state' was highly likely, considering his desperate need for a draft "wonderfulness" elixir...Things around him were going in and out of focus...the two attractive damsels seemed very real, but everything else...Had he really tried to engage someone in pseudo-sword play? He'd always fantasised about being a swash buckler, one of his favourite stage plays was the tale of Cyrano de Bergerac, he could identify with the main character - because, he too had an 'interesting' nose! But no! None of it could have been real! Funny, yes, he was smiling through his confusion even now! He caught site of the two damsels who were still there, looking a little different now, but still there. Will tried to recall the 'fight' he had just had, his stance, the parry and thrust of the brolly, the deft implimentation of 'reading' material...Will shook his head. How could he have done all that - with only one leg? "Excuse me", said a voice. Will looked up. It was Cedric. "Are you alright old chap? You look a bit dazed..." Will blinked. "Yes, I think so, errm, what just happened?".
Cedric draw a breath through his teeth. "Well, you did a U-turn , came charging back here shouting 'Have at yea varlet!', and threw your copy of Winnie the Pooh at our friend in black over there." Will thought for a moment then asked, "Did I hurt him?" Cedric replied with a sense urgency in his voice, "No, you missed him, but he picked up the book and now appears to be reading it".
Will blinked again, "oh.." he said, then added, "The two ladies over there...are they real?". Cedric nodded, "Oh yes, they're real enough."

The red demon turned his black-clad cohort and smote Winnie the Pooh from his hands. He pointed towards the humans. The two advanced once again...

Right said Bertha(they didn't call her battling Bertha for nothing) she reached deep into her bag, she had week old egg sandwiches and bakewell tart which she chucked to the little fella who devoured it with relish(Mango Chutney) suddenly he rose up in the air and dropped dead, what killed him Will asked, I got them from Britsh Rail she replied, oh dear another one bites the dust. Left to fight his own corner the Demon did not seem