It,s the way you tell em

Two aerials meet on the roof=fall in love and get married.
the ceremony was rubbish,but the reception was brilliant :huh:

I used to work at KwitFit but I gave up the job.
Everyday I was tyred and exhausted.

A really sloppy drunk is draped over the bar. The bartender tells him, \"OK, you've had enough. I'm not going to serve you anymore, so get out of here and go home.\"


The drunk leaves the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through the back door. The bartender tells him, \"I told you to go home, I'm not serving you anything more, you've had enough, now go home.\" The drunk leaves again.


Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through a side door. Again, the bartender tells him, \"Man, I told you, you're wasted. I'm not serving you anymore, now go home, you've had enough.\" Again, the drunk leaves.


Fifteen minutes later the drunk comes back through another side door. The bartender says, \"What the hell is the matter with you? I keep telling you, you've had enough already, and I'm not going to serve you anymore, now go home!\"


The drunk looks up at the bartender and asks, \"How many places do you work at?\"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Q,are you allowed to kiss a nun?
yes but dont get into the habit.

Whats orange and comes out of the ground at 100 miles per hour ???

An E Type Carrot xxxx;) :whistle:

Grandma gave small boy bag of sweets,he grabbed them and said nothing.What do you say my lad said Grannie,still no response,what is the magic word she said,the lad replied Abracadabra.

An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'

'I can cut them for you' said the pharmacist 'but a quarter tablet

Will not give you a full erection.'

' I am 96' said the old man . ' I don't want an erection .

I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't wee on my slippers.'

hahahahha nice one karl!!!! first time iv laughed this week XXX:kiss:

Thats the worse about having a wife who only eats chicken before she goes to bed,she wakes up in a fowl mood.

Paddy and Mick are down the pub
Paddy is outside having a fag
He rushes back in and says Mick someone has just stolen your car.
Do you see who it was said Mick
No says Paddy but I got the registration.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact shortly afterwards,
'Mary. Mary.'
'Is that you, Fred?' 'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'
'What's it like?'
'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.'
'Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.'

'No Not exactly,............................I'm a rabbit living in Suffolk.' !