Joke of the Day

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl give him a hand-job.
I told him thats the third school in two years. You need to stop this behaviour or they will stop you Teaching altogether xxxx :blink:

My mate and his wife were at the bus stop and having the Mothers of arguments....Bus pulled up and driver asked..Are you getting on ???
No,said my mate...shes a real cow xxxx

Monica walks into her local Dry Cleaners and says to the assistant....Ive got another dress for you to clean...

Slightly hard of hearing the assistant said....Come again ????

Monica said..No,I think its mustard xxxx :blink:

Man sits next 2 a guy with a dog on a plane & asks is he a guide dog?
No i'm a drugs officer, he's a sniffer dog, watch this & says to the dog 'Search'
The dog goes off, comes back & puts 1 paw on his lap. 'Heroin' the guy says & makes a note of the passanger. The dog comes back again & puts 2 paws on his lap. 'Coke' the guy says. The dog comes back again & shits all over the seat. What the fuck is that the man asks. Guy replies
He's found a fucking bomb

I was at a friends house when United Parcels delivered a package from Holland..Intrigued,I asked him if it was anything interesting.....
He Replied.....Its a plastic inflatable virgina...
I Replied...Oh Two-Lips from Amsterdam xxxx:blink:

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 13 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,

'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:

ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard.

Irish Scientists at Dublin Uni. have discovered that birthdays are good for your health...
The more you have...the longer you live xxxx :blink:

Paddy goes to casualty after being stung by a wasp and says to the nurse: \"I've been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?\" The nurse replies: \"Whereabouts is it?\". Paddy says: \"Fuck knows, probably miles away by now\"

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'









The teacher almost fainted

Female lecturer reminds her students about exam in the morning.Apart from a death in the family or an Earthquake Everyone will take part...
A wag from the back said...What if Im suffering from Total Sexual Exhaustion ???
Without a thought or delay the lecturer responded...You can use your other hand for the exam xxxx :ohmy:

Paddy goes to casualty after being stung by a wasp and says to the nurse: \"I've been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?\" The nurse replies: \"Whereabouts is it?\". Paddy says: \"F*** knows, probably miles away by now\"

What causes arthritis?


A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, \"Say Father, what causes arthritis?\"

The priest replies, \"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping
around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.\"

The drunk muttered in response, \"Well, I'll be darned,\" Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. \"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?\"

The drunk answered, \"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.\"


MORAL: Always try to understand the reason for a question!