JOKE OF THE DAY

What did the talking weighing machine say when the fat lady stepped on it?
Answer, "One at a time please."

What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red sea?
Answer, It gets wet.

There are two cats and they had a race against each other. One cat was called 123, and the other was called une, deux, trois. Which cat won?
Answer, 123 because un, deux, trois, cat sank!!!!

Wow - three jokes for the price of one (and all useless) Have a good day all.
Sue xx

Top of the morning to you all my friends. Here is today's offering:-

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

"My son was born on St George's day," remarked the Englishman, "So we obviously decided to call him George."

"That's a real coincidence," observed the Frenchman, "My daughter was born on Valentine's day, so we decided to call her Valentine."

"That's really incredible," drawled the Irishman, "Exactly the same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

No offence intended to any Irish friends out there!!

The Jewish ELBOW
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ...”


"What ... You're coming empty handed?"

A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

"Wonderful," replies his mother, "What part is it?"

The boy says, "I play the part of the Welsh husband."

The mother scowls and say, "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

Have a good, happy and healthy day folks.

If Your Teacher Puts
34x + 23×8 / 13 + 47
0n The Board
And Tells You To
"Solve The Problem"

Get Up n Erase The Board Problem Solved

Short and sweet today (unlike me!!! LOL)

An astronaut steps in some chewing gum. He is stuck in orbit.

Why are husbands like lawn Mowers?

They're hard to get started, emit foul odours and don't work half the time!!

(only joking hubbies out there - I think LOL)

thanks shygirl!

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer they see that it's draped with rashers of juicy bacon.

"Hey Pepe," says the first man, "Ees a bacon tree, we're saved."

Then he runs to the tree but is gunned down in a hail of bullets"

"What happened?" shouts Pepe.

With his last breath his friend shouts, "Run amigo, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush!!"

Hi-di-hi campers. Here's today's offering:-

Finding one of her pupils making faces at others in the playground, Miss Barker, their teacher, stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Tony, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.

Tony looked up and replied, "Well, Miss Barker, you can't say you weren't warned!"

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins - a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh no, not my brother....he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise" replies the doctor. "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew!!"