What happened next

ate the good-natured animals that had sacrificed their bladders which now blown up would provide the buoyancy necessary to the floating of the raft. The children fresh from collecting fruit and nuts protested that they wanted pizza burgers or chicken nuggets rather than the slabs of pork roasted against an open fire. The squalling and pestering being harder to bear in the circumstances they children were peremptorily ordered up to bed without benefit of supper. A mission unlikely to be accomplished as their were no beds or upstairs available but like most in charge of children the crew facts ignored the facts. The smell of roasting pork wafted through the trees enticing

wild wolves and wold boar to the bushes and remaining trees close to the encampment. "Oh god", said Sir Motrym, "that's all we need. Cedric, Can you sttash the roast hog in Bertha's larder. Fortunately her house is just at the edge of the clearing and catipuault the fatty bits to the animals. It will help to keep them at bay. (Well that's the thoery He thought to himself)" Oh and you women chuck some more wood on the fires.It too will keep the animals at bay". Cedric slung the joints over his shoulder and trudged to Bertha's abode. He was fed up and so tired, as were the others. He wanted to cooch down and sleep. It had been a very long day. He was even annoyed by the children, bickering, arguinga and generally making a nuisance of themselves. "Chicken dippers and hamburghers", he muttered. "What next?" The parents, swaddled their kids in the remaining leather hides, and tried to get them to settle down. Bertha, so wise. drew her flute from her pocket and played. Nothing like a good lullaby to settle them, she thought. She, like Cedric was in tune with nature and shaman-like blew the hypnotic notes. The wild boar and wolves hunkered down and slept. The haunting tunes had induced them to sleep. They had sated their hunger on the pork scraps. The group breathed sighs of relief. For another time danger had been averted. What would happen next!

A sudden flash followed by an overwhelming bang woke the assembled animals and humans, consternation and tumult as the bleary eyed struggled to their feet, the more susceptible to panic yelling that it was the crack of doom while Cedric insisted it was merely a bolide event somewhere in the surrounding area. the supernatural won the day as few of the others knew what he was talking about and lamentations and gnashing of teeth broke out. The animals had merely dispersed, the wolves with their tails between their legs the wild boar chugging away the best they knew how, the children howling and speaking in tongues like refugees from a fundamentalist Jesus camp pointing to the moon bloody and big in the sky. Bertha's flute charms could barely be heard as she tried breathlessly to calm with the music that 'has charms to soothe the savage breast (or beast) irrelevant really as the beasts had scattered, but still she hoped to quieten the beastliness of the caterwauling and to

its amusement Omnione regarded all this from a very distant future. These quaint little creatures, desperate to validate themselves with what they considered to be well chosen words. Tripping and contradicting each other because it was possible. Of course, for them, the journey was the thing, not a destination, a conclusion should be resisted at all costs! How else could they continue to satisfy their own egos? Some egos were more fragile than others, Omnione observed, it recalled an ancient expression, something about heat, kitchens and leaving the vicinity. If Omnione had possessed a head or mouth, it would have shook it and smiled. Omnione did not and so did not. The entity folded in on itself, which was in fact outside itself. It resumed it's state of non-being, very comfortable in the far distant future.

Omnuione's antagonist raised an eyebrow at this need for resolution, tempted to speculate that the non-being found the random nature of fun too much to take. Meanwhile in another of the many possible universes tea was being taken.
The slightly faded version of Royal Leamington Spa existing in this universe and its slightly more faded bath tea room was graced on this occasion by Lady Strathmnorish, Mrs Belvedere, my Gran, aunt Biddy and me. there were of course a scattering of others at a few other tables but they are of no interest.
I'd been advised that little boys should be seen and not heard so was able to observe as was my wont, just then an extraordinary thing happened and

I carried on chewing. I knew how to mind my Ps and Q's. Anyway as a young lad I had a bottomless pit of a stomach and it was rare for me to be let out of the nursery, so I made the most of the scones, fancy sandwiches and seed cake. I left the adults to their machinations and fear. Truth to tell I had cut off from the tea partakers, except to mumble and nod my head when I saw fit. I found the conversation and the petty need to wax lyrical over a tea session boring and anyway, I just wanted to enjoy the food. I would have preferred a burgher or chicken nuggets, much like the other kids in this story, but did not dare to voice this! Let,s face it our so-called olders and betters, I wish, think they know everything about taste and what is suitable for us. They know nothing! Fat, Fries and flabby frankfurters are necctar to us. They just do not know what they are missing! Who cares about obesity scores and BMI's! The drone of adults was wiped ot by the rattling of china. Suddenly my reverries were interrupted by a shreak from Aunt Hermione." "Boy man up. Gird your loins" (what the heck were loins! I Did like a nice lamb loin. But where weree my loins? I searched my body in vain. Lamb loins, fat. Does she mean my bum? Or my stomach? Even I knew that I was rather big but what part of me as she referring to? Bit of a cheek really because she is no slim nymph. Bit like Bertha but not so nice! I rose from my chewing, drew myself up as high as a young boy can do and said with more bravado than I felt: "Ladies do not fret. The machinations on this table are merely a manifestation of........(Prep school had taught me complicated words. I did not know what they meant but to me they sounded convincing and they rolled off the tongue. Suddenly this mere mortal, Sir Motrym was important or would be in thirty years when I had earnt my spurs. But we can all dream. Without dreaming childhood could be shit! Whoops shouldn't know that word but I do. I only say to my friends- it makes me look big and it is nice to feel this when the so-called adults think they knnow better than you. They don't. Because we are relatively immature we have not been so-called socialised. We say it as it is. Returning to Aunt Hermione, unfortunately, and her vapours I said or I think I did (Looking back it is all misty)

To you great un-washed p and q's means watch your manners, socially or peace and quiet, or for drinkers pint and quart, or for printing apprentices do not confuse the backward facing type P and Q or Pea jacket and wig. ( will will know pint and quart as a regular at the Old Dog and Duck- his reggular watering hole) And you will knnow for thepub quiz!) I have googled it! When I grow up and beccome a knight I will lord it over the others and get my own back on Great Aunt Hermione. She showed me up! And made me look as a young sprig like a......

" In Governmment, when I am big I will pontificate on the tricatops and the ark we had to build, courtesy of Dottie and her spouse. But I digress (that's a big word and as a child I want to look big in front of my peers) I have to.........

to listen to Cedric and what he said.( I realise, now what a wise man he is,was and what an idiot I was. (Dali Lama eatyour heart out!) In rettrospect I am wiser than you. As if. I'm gettinng carried away and hogging this tale so as a child who knows his P and Q,s I will butt out and confide in you that Aunt Hermione was a tricatops, in sheeps's clothing and that she.........(Pass the sticky tape-as a child I can't shut up, That's normal, I'm told (Yung and Freud eat your heart out!) or Bowlby- child psychologist extraordinaire!) that..............

where was I? Yes Aunt herrmione had laced my tea with the magic elixir and I think I am tripping! Bertha,very kindly, is playing her flute in the hope that it will bring some sort of reality to me. Cedric tells me it won't and that I should not be scared-All that I experience will be a figment of my imaginationand that he will stay with me throughout my journey. I'm still scared. Despite my bravado and after all the traumatic things that have happened I am just a kid. I want my mum ''''''''cos

Cedric had also flipped! We cried to the heavens: "Help. We mere mortals are stumped and we need some one to lighten our burdens, desperately". Don't worry uttered

a voice from the heavens very soon you will find you have been returned to your homes our experiment is now ended, on behalf of the planet Zog I thank you for taking part there was a blinding flash and everything was returned to normal. There was Cedric with his