Agnostic/Atheist

me too

Agnostic, atheist, antitheist; three words often wrongly apprehended as interchangeable.
To answer the question posed in the original post: I define myself as an agnostic atheist in that I do not believe in a god or gods without claiming to KNOW such entities don't exist. I see no objective proof for any god, only claims and statements. The Abrahamic God of several holy books I find both repellent and silly which has led me closer to the antitheist position over the course of time. Indifference to the existence (or not) of the God of the Wholly Babble has developed into a conviction that faith is on balance a force for evil and a denial of the morality built up through generations of human interaction.
This subject is complicated and before this post becomes an essay I suggest it would be better if the atheist YouTube websites be consulted. Here are a couple:
The Atheist Experience. Essence of Thought. Others to check, AronRa, Steve Shives and debates with Christopher Hitchens or Richard Dawkins.

I think over the years I've come to believe in God and if not for that belief my life would be unbearable. I guess I've had so much disappointment in relationships that I need to hang on to something bigger than other humans????

It seems you have faith in one of the available versions of the Abrahamic God or is that my false assumption? You may after all believe in one of the many gods that have been postulated and believed in.
If your belief appears to sustain you, good, hold to it until something better comes along!

I am an agnostic.
My journey as a christian was long and deep and sad. For more than two thirds of my life I'd been a devoted christian and more than 5 years I had dedicated myself completely to researching the bible along with many related references, which I don't feel proud of considering the end results. Fortunately or unfortunately I had tried to dig completely to the bottom of it for so long, I could get out of there. I found there were too many flaws to swallow especially in the origins of the bibles. Finding out the facts one by one destroyed me so badly since I had been enjoying walking with Jesus day by day for so long, I'd rather want to die at that time. Yeah, it took some times to recover. I don't believe in the bible anymore. Having had some supernatural experiences during being devoted, I'm not sure whether it has psychological explanations or not. Still I open to possibility of existing god though.

So many are led away from the bible by reading it throughout. The irony is that believers suppose that if you only read it you will come to god. My reading of the book leaves me certain that god is at the least amoral.

You're right, yet many are hard to be led away from the bible even if they read it throughout dozens of times. I was raised to believe the bible is true. Even though I encountered some nonsenses while reading, I didn't consider them errors but I considered them mysteries beyond my depth. So I totally understand how come believers can stay peaceful in some nonsenses, and I have a lot respects to the true believers, who try hard to follow somewhat harsh disciplines, who walk the walk of god's words.
Tough most of my family members are believers I can't even try to expose my honest idea about the bible. It's gonna seriously hurt them, and as far as I'm concerned, I was happier when I was with god than now where there is no place to rely on completely, no willing to forgive, no reason to love whomever I don't want to..too many to write down here. For that reason I remain silent.

Jina, how many ex-believers hide the truth from friends and family I wonder? I suspect that it happens many times. The social aspect of religious adherence is more important to people than is acknowledged but being part of a group for many promotes a feeling of well-being. This has a tendency to be more relevant to their lives than any rational truth could ever be.
Your circumstances mean that it would be dangerous to your state of mind to reveal your lack of faith and I can empathise with that.

I agree with you. I'd rather bite my tongue than lose relationships
Humans are social animals however they claim that they are not.

God is different things to different people, does he exsist who knows.

Sandie, am I right in assuming you mean the Abrahamic God worshipped by Christian, Muslim and Jew? There have been so many gods sincerely believed in throughout the history of Homo sapiens which are now discarded and discounted. Christianity is split into many differing denominations each arguing that there interpretation of scripture is the only true word of God.
Deism is the natural alternative for those who reject dogma, revelation and miracle: God is inferred by what its adherents believe to be reason and the observing of the natural world rather than an appeal to the supernatural.
Jina, perhaps a Deist perspective is what you mean by holding on to a belief in a God? If so and if this comforts and sustains you now that you have rejected the bible fine, many atheists start their journey with a similar belief.

Tom, Since English is not my language, I might misunderstand things you intended.
As for your asking, I didn't know Deism before, but now I grab a little bit thanks to you, and I am willing to research more of it. Because it's concept gives me hope that I might not be a failing believer, but I might be one of those creatures eager to seek truth, I thought I hung at the end of the rope, but I see, to which another rope was linked. Deism accepts existence of god who doesn't involve in human's life, yeah, he doesn't give any miracles, supernatural things to humans, not to mention that he never involved in writing any bibles. But still I infer his existence in nature like a deist. He was always there as he ever was. That's all I wanted to know, and it means a lot to me giving me comfort.