poems and old wives tales

"No amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp" ~disability advocate Stella Young

That is very true Edwin! That is why I got myself a stair lift!!

...We all have to make do with our limited abilities. We need at times motivational speakers like Stella Young. The world sure lost a lovely person when she died. Thank you for your comment Bubba.

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I
wanted as a teenager, only 55 years later.

I don’t have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance (social security).

I have my own pad.
I make my own curfew.

I have a driver’s license and my own car

I have an ID that gets me into bars and the any store.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.

And I don’t have acne. Life is great. (I think)

The Sugar-Plum Tree

Have you ever heard of the Sugar-Plum Tree?
'T is a marvel of great renown!
It blooms on the shore of the Lollipop sea
In the garden of Shut-Eye Town;

The fruit that it bears is so wondrously sweet
(As those who have tasted it say)
That good little children have only to eat
Of that fruit to be happy next day.

When you've got to the tree, you would have a hard time
To capture the fruit which I sing;
The tree is so tall that no person could climb
To the boughs where the sugar-plums swing!

But up in that tree sits a chocolate cat,
And a gingerbread dog prowls below- -
And this is the way you contrive to get at
Those sugar-plums tempting you so:

You say but the word to that gingerbread dog
And he barks with such terrible zest
That the chocolate cat is at once all agog,
As her swelling proportions attest.

And the chocolate cat goes cavorting around
From this leafy limb unto that,
And the sugar-plums tumble, of course, to the ground- -
Hurrah for that chocolate cat!

There are marshmallows, gumdrops, and peppermint canes,
With striping of scarlet or gold,
And you carry away of the treasure that rains
As much as your apron can hold!

So come, little child, cuddle closer to me
In your dainty white nightcap and gown,
And I 'll rock you away to that Sugar-Plum Tree
In the garden of Shut-Eye Town.

by Eugene Field

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.
Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days having figured out how to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline on box 22 !"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything !!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story —
Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer " !

The U.S. Navy intercepted a boatload of people off the Texas coast today.
This placed the Navy in an awkward position as the boat was not heading to the USA, but towards Mexico and Central America.
Another surprise finding was the people were white American retirement age seniors.
Their claim was that they were trying to get to Central America or Southern Mexico as they wanted to return to the US as illegal immigrants.
Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate American retirees.
It is believed the Navy gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.
We are booking on the next boat out. Let me know if you want to join us.

THE WORLD IS MINE - Author Unknown

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
and wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.

My Nose

by Dorothy Aldis


It doesn't breath;
It doesn't smell;
It doesn't feel
So very well.

I am discouraged
With my nose:
The only thing it
Does is blows.

Saw something today that was so funny, it was a story in a newspaper about what a man, Russell Larson wrote on his headstone before he died. He called it a Cowboys Tombstone.

5 rules for men to follow for a happy life.

1) It's important for have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2) It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3) It's important to have a woman who you can trust and not lie to you.
4) It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.
5) It's very, very important that these 4 women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me!

I absolutely love that!! Thank you for making me smile this morning!!

What an epitaph! What did he die of? Exhaustion?