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TOPIC: poems and old wives tales

poems and old wives tales 3 years 11 months ago #60526

  • Edwin55
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The U.S. Navy intercepted a boatload of people off the Texas coast today.
This placed the Navy in an awkward position as the boat was not heading to the USA, but towards Mexico and Central America.
Another surprise finding was the people were white American retirement age seniors.
Their claim was that they were trying to get to Central America or Southern Mexico as they wanted to return to the US as illegal immigrants.
Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate American retirees.
It is believed the Navy gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.
We are booking on the next boat out. Let me know if you want to join us.


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poems and old wives tales 3 years 11 months ago #60556

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THE WORLD IS MINE - Author Unknown

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
and wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
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poems and old wives tales 3 years 11 months ago #60584

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My Nose

by Dorothy Aldis


It doesn't breath;
It doesn't smell;
It doesn't feel
So very well.

I am discouraged
With my nose:
The only thing it
Does is blows.
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Last edit: by Edwin55.

poems and old wives tales 3 years 11 months ago #60620

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Saw something today that was so funny, it was a story in a newspaper about what a man, Russell Larson wrote on his headstone before he died. He called it a Cowboys Tombstone.

5 rules for men to follow for a happy life.

1) It's important for have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2) It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3) It's important to have a woman who you can trust and not lie to you.
4) It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.
5) It's very, very important that these 4 women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me!
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poems and old wives tales 3 years 11 months ago #60621

I absolutely love that!! Thank you for making me smile this morning!! :)
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poems and old wives tales 3 years 11 months ago #60640

What an epitaph! What did he die of? Exhaustion?
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poems and old wives tales 3 years 10 months ago #60694

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Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable when he wore his suit coat.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence... The rest of the year went smoothly
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poems and old wives tales 3 years 10 months ago #60786

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This is priceless!

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.

You will be really shocked by the last one (at least, I was)!!!

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

This makes one think, and also puts things into perspective.

Diet Snapple, 16 oz , $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon!

Starbuck's Reg. Coffee 16 oz, $2.10... $16.80 per gallon!

Lipton Ice Tea, 16 oz , $1.19 ... $9.52 per gallon!

Gatorade, 20 oz , $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon!

Ocean Spray, 16 oz , $1.25 .. $10.00 per gallon!

Brake Fluid, 12 oz , $3.15 .... $33.60 per gallon!

Vick's Nyquil, 6 oz , $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon!

Pepto Bismol, 4 oz, $3.85 . $123.20 per gallon!

Whiteout, 7 oz , $1.39 ......... $25.42 per gallon!

Scope, 1.5 oz , $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon!


Evian water, 9 oz , $1.49 ...$21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 for a gallon of WATER!!

and the buyers don't even know the source

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poems and old wives tales 3 years 10 months ago #60812

Edwin55 wrote: Saw something today that was so funny, it was a story in a newspaper about what a man, Russell Larson wrote on his headstone before he died. He called it a Cowboys Tombstone.

5 rules for men to follow for a happy life.

1) It's important for have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2) It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3) It's important to have a woman who you can trust and not lie to you.
4) It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.
5) It's very, very important that these 4 women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me!



Its good to have all this in one woman, then he might still be alive lol :laugh: :laugh:

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Last edit: by Sandie. Reason: Stupidity

poems and old wives tales 3 years 8 months ago #61468

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Lexophilia

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.


• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.


• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro - what a rip off!


• Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.
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poems and old wives tales 3 years 8 months ago #61470

:lol: :lol:

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poems and old wives tales 3 years 7 months ago #61558

--- aah - so thats where I,ve been going wrong ?? :huh:

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