Joke of the Day

Just got this new aftershave that smells of bread crumbs......
The birds love it!

A policeman with a sniffer dog came up to me the other day & said, "my dog tells me you're on drugs"
"ME!" I said "you're the one with the talking dog!!" :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

My mate reckons that he always cries after sex..........Mind you,he is in prison

Went to bed with three Thai girls last night...It was like winning the lottery....


They had 6 matching balls :laugh:

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!!!

The now very angry Teacher: Where in hell do you get seven from?!?!

The now very frustrated Johnny: Because I've already got a cat at home!!!

Police marksmen covering disturbances at Dale Farm, were required to open fire three times.
They won a goldfish, a teddy bear and an inflatable hammer.

I thought that my new girlfriend was the One...until I looked through her knicker drawer and found..a Nurses Uniform...a French Maids Uniform..and a Policewomans Uniform....She obviously cant hold down a job xxxx

Ashley Cole....Bosingwa...Malouda...Obi Mikel..Sturridge....Anelka...Drogba..Essien...Ramires...Kalou.....ALL affectionately known as...Terrys Chocolates

The wife brought home a tub of ice-cream and asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied, "As hard as your penis when you're thinking about me naked!". I said "Go on then, pour me a glass....."

Cash4Gold have confirmed that they are arranging Jimmy Savills funeral xxxx

One of the Pearly Gates has broken, but it's ok, Jim'll Fix It!

Man says to wife "your arse is the size of a 3 burner BBQ!" Later in bed he says "fancy a s***?" Wife replies "no ta, no point lighting the bbq for half a sausage..!" :lol: