JOKE OF THE DAY

The elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.



One afternoon while shopping the wife decided to send every husband for a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bit. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. "


The husband texted back to her: "I'm in the toilet. Please advise."

:laugh: brillant I love it xx

thnks

The Naked Cowboy
A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with
nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking
Around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants..... So I did.


Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts..... So I did.


Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says,
'Now go to town cowboy. '

'And here I am.'

Son of a Gun. Blond Men do exist!
First time I have ever seen a Blond Man Joke

Sharon, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.


One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to
Sharon, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our
cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the
barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

So then the farmer leaves for the fields.

After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front
door.

Sharon takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and
when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another
dizzy blonde, the man asks,

'Tell me, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'

'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Sharon explains very
confidently.

Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'


She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says
over her shoulder...



'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'

"Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."

"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yoghurt."

"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yoghurt." :huh: :S :evil:

How does a man know when he's getting old "It takes him all night to do what he used to do all night" :blink:

Three sisters aged 92,94 and 96 all live together.One night the 96yr old starts a bath.She puts her foot in pauses and asks"Was I getting in or out of the bath"? The 94yr old yells back " I dont know but I'll come up and see". She starts up the stairs and pauses."Was I going up the stairs or down."The 92yrs old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says "I sure hope I don't get that forgetful" She knocks on wood for good measure.Then she yells to her sisters,"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door" :S :huh: :dry: :blink:

I've just got home from Asda to find all the windows and doors wide open. They've taken everything....it's all gone. The dirty rotten thieving b.....ds What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person? You are not human. You are low life scum... ...That was my advent calendar and you had no right to open it and eat all my chocolates

HA,HA,HA!!

A man walks into a bakers shop and says "I'd like two brown loaves and two white please". The baker shakes his head and says, "Sorry, we're out of white bread". The man smiles and says, "That's ok, I've got my bike outside!".

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Sorry don't get it!!! :huh: