poems and old wives tales

Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable when he wore his suit coat.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence... The rest of the year went smoothly

This is priceless!

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.

You will be really shocked by the last one (at least, I was)!!!

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

This makes one think, and also puts things into perspective.

Diet Snapple, 16 oz , $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon!

Starbuck's Reg. Coffee 16 oz, $2.10... $16.80 per gallon!

Lipton Ice Tea, 16 oz , $1.19 ... $9.52 per gallon!

Gatorade, 20 oz , $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon!

Ocean Spray, 16 oz , $1.25 .. $10.00 per gallon!

Brake Fluid, 12 oz , $3.15 .... $33.60 per gallon!

Vick's Nyquil, 6 oz , $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon!

Pepto Bismol, 4 oz, $3.85 . $123.20 per gallon!

Whiteout, 7 oz , $1.39 ......... $25.42 per gallon!

Scope, 1.5 oz , $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon!


Evian water, 9 oz , $1.49 ...$21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 for a gallon of WATER!!

and the buyers don't even know the source

Edwin55 wrote: Saw something today that was so funny, it was a story in a newspaper about what a man, Russell Larson wrote on his headstone before he died. He called it a Cowboys Tombstone.

5 rules for men to follow for a happy life.

1) It's important for have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2) It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3) It's important to have a woman who you can trust and not lie to you.
4) It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.
5) It's very, very important that these 4 women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me!

Its good to have all this in one woman, then he might still be alive lol :laugh: :laugh:

Lexophilia

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.


• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.


• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro - what a rip off!


• Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.

:lol: :lol:

--- aah - so thats where I,ve been going wrong ?? :huh: